People Pleasing and Boundaries – Life Perceptions
Today I want to talk about people pleasing and boundaries. This is very close to my heart because this has been a very big part of my journey. I am still learning so much about boundaries on day by day basis. I knew in my heart it was time to share with you all because I want to help others to put themselves first.
To be honest I’m still in the recovering stage of people pleasing because I love to help people. Us sensitive types just love people and making a difference to their lives, it’s who we are. While there is nothing wrong with been like this, it is also important to create healthy boundaries. This is around our work/business, personal life and quality time with ourselves because we deserve to treat ourselves with love and respect.
There is also a very big downside to been sensitive, like putting other people’s needs before our own, always looking after other’s, not standing up for ourselves, not saying no, afraid to voice our concerns in case of getting judged and not having healthy boundaries in place. You might experience all of these or just a couple of them but the path to change takes some deep inner work, it’s taking baby steps to regain your power and truly step into who you are.
While I still don’t have all the answers and really do we ever? As life is all about learning as we go along anyway. I do know some amazing tips that have helped me strengthen my boundaries and start saying no even if it’s uncomfortable sometimes. Which I would like to share with you now, just remember as long as you are taking steps each day no matter how small they are you moving forward.
Practice saying no
For current, recovering and ex people pleasers this a huge one that we face almost on a daily basis. As we don’t like rocking the boat most of the time by actually standing up and saying no, it is a daily challenge. The more we practice saying no the easier it gets. Don’t give up if you fall back into a trap again of saying yes to someone and then having serious regrets afterwards. We learn as we go along and as long as we are aware we learn from our experiences and next time we are more prepared to speak up.
Just as we build muscle at the gym the more weights we do the more muscle we build. In this case the more we check in with ourselves, evaluate if this serves us to say yes or no, then say no if this doesn’t suit us. Each time we build our muscle as we go along as awareness and action brings change.
I still remember the first time I said no to someone which was during my life coach training and wow did this bring up some big doubts within me. A neighbour at my old house was asking a big favour even when I only knew her to say hello over the fence. I did say no and then she asked me again, I had to say no twice because I realise now my boundaries were weak so she felt an opportunity was still available. The doubt this brought up in me, the wondering if she was judging me and then the second guessing if I did the right thing. These were all part of the process I went though and yes I did the right thing because I had to dedicate the time to my studies.
How can you strengthen your connection with yourself so you are able to know what you want around your boundaries?
The more you connect to yourself and get out of your head the easier it is the make a decision to where your boundaries lie. Everyone is different as it’s about the connection to yourself to see what you would like to say yes to and what doesn’t serve you to say no to. How do you do this?
While everyone is different writing is always my thing and the connection I experience is like no other. Writing helps me connect to my mind, draw out what’s happening in my head and if my boundaries haven’t been working for me it’s an opportunity to look at what’s not working. This is always powerful for me and I write daily. If writing isn’t your thing which is totally cool, how can you connect to yourself? What do you love and how can this help with your boundaries? Get into the discovery mode and if you need help reach out to me as I can help with some exercise suggestions for you.
What are your boundaries?
Once we are out of our head and looking at where we currently are we can see the boundaries for what they are.
My questions for you to keep the discovery happening are.
- Do you have boundaries in place? If not what would you like them to look like?
- When did you last say no to someone and how did this make you feel?
- Do you plan time for yourself and stick to the plan?
This process is all about getting clear on how you feel about your current boundaries and what’s not working so you know where you are at.
By the way when you are starting to say no more, more people will push you more (like push into a queue in front of you which happened to me recently). This is because your energetic boundaries are changing, things will push your buttons more often, you will get tested if you are committing to saying no and it will take all your inner strength not to give in to people. Don’t give up and keep going.
My blog last fortnight was about beliefs and this is very strong linked to this subject because when we look at our beliefs and we do say I’m good enough we do start putting ourselves first, which means healthy boundaries.
I loved sharing this journey with you today on people pleasing and boundaries. Now I want to hear from you. Where are you in your stage of people pleasing? Also what are you going to do starting now to strengthen your boundaries? I would love to hear from you below.
If you need help to get clear on your personal boundaries and practice saying no, I would love to offer you a free 30 minute coaching call (for women only). Contact me below to find out more.